After Schlitterbahn, a Rush to Regulate

     Capitalizing on personal and community tragedy, the forces of ever-bigger government disregard facts—as well as decency. 
    On Sunday, Aug. 7, 10-year-old Caleb Schwab died tragically while descending the 168-foot Verruckt water slide at the Schlitterbahn water park in Kansas City, Kan.
By Monday, August 8, The Kansas City Star had managed to interview would-be amusement-park regulators from across the fruited plain and publish an article headlined, “State hasn’t inspected Schlitterbahn water slide where 10-year-old died since it opened in 2014.”
    Readers had no trouble deciphering the article’s message. “Looks like this tragedy was at least partially a result of ‘less government,’ ” wrote one fellow. “This is not a tragedy,” said a woman reader. “It’s negligent homicide. It is the logical outcome of removing government authority and allowing 
the fox to guard the hen house.”
   On social media, critics dug deeper. Knowing that Caleb’s father, Scott Schwab, is a conservative state representative, a demented few laid the blame for his son’s death on Schwab’s doorstep.
    In the spirit of full disclosure, Scott Schwab is a long-time friend. I attended Caleb’s memorial service. No one who was there can ever doubt the power of grace or the strength that comes from a Christian life well-lived.
    Among those in attendance at Caleb’s memorial was Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback, the subject of the most relentless and pointless media assault in the history of regional journalism. The Star’s shameful headline, make no mistake, was aimed at Brownback.
   If the paper’s editors wanted a culprit in government, however, they might have looked closer to home. “We’ve been with Schlitterbahn through the whole process,” said Mark Holland, the mayor of the Unified Government of Wyandotte on the day the slide opened in 2014. “They have been a great partner for us.” 
    The Star sent three reporters down the slide the first day. They loved the ride and talked about it glowingly. As is often the case, the paper was keen on this kind of public-private partnership. “Support Mayor Mark Holland’s progressive leadership with good election choices in Wyandotte County,” its editors wrote soon after Verruckt’s opening. 
If they thought the slide dangerous, they certainly did not tell anyone or arrange any follow-up reporting. 
    One reader comment caught my eye as it captures the logic of those who read The Star and/or embrace Big Brother. “This tragedy is an extreme example of what can happen in the conservative’s fantasy land of fewer and fewer regulations,” said the fellow. “Choosing profit over safety is always a bad choice.”
    This sentiment deserves parsing, as it altogether representative of the soft-core Marxism that has permeated the gullible half of our population. What this fellow was saying is that the conservatives in government are willing to sacrifice the occasional child if it enhances the bottom line of their corporate friends like, say, Schlitterbahn.
Despite the name, however, Schlitterbahn is not part of some German conglomerate. No, this family-owned company first opened in a Germanic region of Texas in 1979. The Kansas City park is only the fourth in the chain and the first outside of Texas. 
    The commenter is accusing that family, a family about which he knows nothing, of something very much like murder for the sake of profit. “Negligent homicide” is what the female commenter called it. This kind of thinking is equal parts smug and stupid. 
The fact is that even if the Schlitterbahn execs had the smallest hearts on the planet, the news of that tragedy would have devastated them. That one death could have a ruinous effect on their economic future. 
    Like any amusement park, Sch-litterbahn can be profitable only if people believe it to be safe. The Verruckt is the only such slide in the world. Schlitterbahn subjected it to numerous tests and revisions before opening it. The company that insures Schlitterbahn tested it, as well. Schlitterbahn officials inspected the ride every day. A certified inspector checked the ride at least once a year. 
   All of the people involved in the test-ing and inspecting have a vested interest in the quality of their inspections. They had to have been horrified by what happened. Does anyone who has not recently “occupied” something believe that a federal or state or county inspector would do a more conscientious job? 
    The Star seems to think so. The article in question quoted several people who contended, as one “safety advocate” did, that Caleb Schwab’s death “is an argument for a national system.” She was not alone. “A federal system,” said another, “would make all of the parks safer.”
     Did a federal system make New Orleans safe from Katrina? Did a federal system prevent the EPA from dumping 3 million gallons of toxic waste into the Colorado River? Did a federal system prevent 9/11?
     The International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions (IAAPA) resists state and federal regulation. As The Star notes, 79 percent of its members see outside regulation as “the biggest threat to their businesses.” The newspaper, however, gives no hint of why the IAAPA’s members might feel that way. Its readers are left to infer that, like all capitalists, the association’s members choose “profit over safety.”
    No, the IAAPA members resist regulation for the reason that all businesses do: The money that ill-advised regulation costs a business is money not spent on training or staff salaries or safety inspections. 
     Besides, even if they tried to do so in good faith, regulation writers could not begin to encode the variables that make an industry safe, especially one as tricky to commodify as the amusement park industry. 
    Schlitterbahn owners, I am confident, will make the necessary corrections, even if it means shutting the Verruckt down. If they want to save their business, they will have to. Unlike the officials of the Unified Government or the editors of The Kansas City Star, the Schlitterbahn people cannot point fingers and pretend they had no responsibility for Caleb Schwab’s death.